July 22, 2024
Pseudo Progression

I thought I must have been stepping forward day by day since I moved to Tokyo.
But it had been rather quasi. I've been pushing myself for years to find what I love and deepen it for living, for growth of myself, for giving me reason to live.

In the result, it brought me to do photography, and which forced me to observe myself all the time.

I had to follow every single feeling springing from my heart. But now I’ve realized.

“All of them obviously comes from my single thoughts?“

It was definitely not. Every single thought come to my mind is always related to others. Sometime those thoughts are combined with else one’s thought, which means it’s not originally mine. I’m wondering if it’s wrong to stick to the origin, and what is that?

I can’t experience any progression and I have no choice other than just lingering around. It’s clear that I’ve been bearing and waiting for the time that what I’m craving for comes to me.